It was not that I came to late to the memorial service at the German War Cemetery, but instead of attending I left the ceremony after only a few minutes of listening. It was not that I did not like the speech and the music that I listened to. I felt misplaced.
Today, the German Embassy of Tel Aviv held the annual memorial service at the German War Cemetery in Nazareth. I arrived at the cemetery and followed the instructions of the friendly guard to enter to the memorial site. When I climbed up the stairs I stopped in the middle: the music ensemble was playing just at the top of the stairs. I peaked over the rim of the wall and saw only a hand-full of people sitting on wooden chairs. A German Military Attaché fixed his eyes onto mine. It was that moment, during which I decided to walk back down and to look at the grave stones. The “Bläserensemble Riesa” was playing “Träumerei” (Robert Schumann). I was standing underneath the memorial site, next to the grave stones of German and Italian women and I was listening to the religious speech of Provost Dr. Uwe Gräbe (Church of the Redeemer Jerusalem). I don´t recall what he said and yet I felt misplaced in just this moment.
I felt confused and detached and lonely. I felt reluctant and uncomfortable.
I waited until the next piece of music played and left the cemetery. While walking away and towards my car I wondered who would remember me, if I once died in Israel. Is it not my duty also to commemorate the Germans who fell here in Palestine and are now buried in Israel? I should not question why they came to fight a war. For sure people question why I work in Israel. Will people say: it is his own fault? Are we all alike – the ones that came to fight at war and us, that came to support the civil society? Sitting in my car, driving towards my home, I thought about how I commemorate.
It is mostly in my silent prayers that I remember my dead family members and friends. I don´t talk with them or their souls. I talk to God and ask him to make sure that they are well. I commemorate them by not forgetting them. Some times I wonder how it would be with them, if they would still be alive, but at most times I plainly think of them.
Sitting here at home, tipping my thoughts, I wonder why I felt confused, detached and lonely. I know I felt reluctant and uncomfortable because I was to late. I did not want to stick out of the crowd and climb up the stairs, walk past the ensemble and blend into a crowd of Military Attachés that I don´t belong to. I felt strongly detached, because I am only weakly connected to war. I thought I don´t belong onto this cemetery between these German and Italian grave stones either. Yes, it is right to remember! – It is important to commemorate, but it is also important to be honest to your self and to those that you are commemorating. I believe that the writing of my thoughts is of greater duty. My thoughts are honest.
